In an act of incredible hubris, I got a nice daily planner for 2021. In that planner, under “big picture goals,” I wrote “grow my newsletter audience, because I think it’s good.” In my head, I had a goal of 20 people paying me money to write this thing, but I didn’t write that down, because that seemed silly. But you know what? 20 people do pay me to write this thing! Incredible. In celebration of reaching my very modest goal, here is a discount, valid for a week.
Here are some things you can read if you subscribe!
An essay about how no one who makes a Lifetime movie has ever seen “the news” before
Something I wrote in 2007 about how to play Ouija, to show you that I have always been like this
An increasingly exhausted and deranged recap of the Jaden Smith/Cara Delevingne weepie LIFE IN A YEAR (I sincerely believe that I have written more about this movie than anyone else on the internet)
If you already subscribe, thank you! Thank you so much! Tell your friends! Forward this to them. Tell them about DEADLY SPA if they like spas or CYBERSTALKER if they like Dan Levy or SINISTER MINISTER if they like uh religion? Real talk, I would like more people to read this, I would like more people to read the free stuff, I would like the line graphs Substack gives me to go up, and I do not know how to advertise. How do you do that? Give someone money and they tell people about your thing? It is impossible to know. So please tell your friends. Thank you. I love you. In conclusion, here is a picture of my cat.